Lost Trust
by LorilieDorran
Summary: After Trudi Canavan's Age of the Five Trilogy ends Danjin Spear thinks about Auraya's and his relationship.


I don't own the Age of the Five Trilogy – the brilliant Trudi Canavan does…

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**Lost Trust**

Danjin Spear left the main tent, his head swirling with all the things he had heard. He took a few unsure steps towards his own tent before the sudden impulse to change direction made him turn towards the Isthmus.  
'Danjin?'  
He turned towards the tent he had just left to see Ella stepping out into the night, her white circ glowing unnaturally in the dark through the lights in the tent.  
'Where are you going? The meeting isn't over yet... we still have a lot to discuss.' She paused to smile at him. 'And I'd appreciate your...' She fell silent as another white clad woman appeared in the entrance of the tent.  
Dyara of the White.  
Dyara let out a deep sigh. 'Let him go Ella. We won't decide anything tonight. There'll be endless discussions but nothing more. You can fill him in when he returns later... Or even tomorrow. His advice will still be given in time.'  
Before she turned to walk inside the tent, Dyara gave Danjin a sad and knowing smile, 'All of us who have known and trusted Auraya need some time to try to understand what she has done today and what made her do it.'  
Danjin nodded, thanking her silently for her understanding and watched in silence as the older White gently took Ella's shoulder and guided her back into the tent.

Slowly Danjin began walking the way the White had led earlier on this day. Thoughts of the oncoming battle had kept his mind busy then, now he replayed what had taken place instead of the battle. He hadn't heard what had been spoken when the gods had appeared but since then Juran had recounted everything in front of the leaders of the White's allies and their closest advisers.  
The gods were dead.  
The Circle and the Five had been one and the same.  
The gods didn't take souls.  
He felt numb, betrayed, dissappointed and his mind simply couldn't grasp the enormity of all of this.  
The gods he adored and the gods he regarded as enemies - the same gods? All the time, for thounds of years the same? Simply playing games with mortals, using Circlians and Pentadrians like pieces of a game? Creating Circlians and Pentadrians for some fun, an experiment on how to differently guide people?  
He shuddered. What happened after death? He had been so sure, so trusting that the gods would be saving his soul.  
He wouldn't have believed anything of this if Juran hadn't assured them that Chaia had said all these horrible things Auraya had accused the gods of were true.  
How had Auraya known? How had she found out, how had she come to hate the gods and help the Wilds kill them? And when had she become so powerful? Surely the gods must have taken away her power when she left the White?  
The woman he had respected and loved as a daughter, who had once been chosen to be one of the five White, representing the gods... killing the gods?  
The look of hate as she had flown above the gods...  
He felt oh so betrayed and was only one step from despising Auraya for what she had done. Hadn't Ella tried to prepare him for this? And he had blindly holden onto his childish trust in Auraya.  
What would his wife say to all of this? Suddendly he missed her so badly it hurt. He craved her advice, her smile, simply her presence.  
Stoping to stare unseeingly at a star up above he found he couldn't agree with what Auraya chose to do even though he knew what made her do it... why?  
The gods... they were _gods_! Surely they had good reasons... for everything. Even to guiding two different people in different ways... and letting them go to war against each other?  
Well... they were immortal, they knew, knew a lot more than simple mortals like he, and so... his love and trust and obedience was still with them. He couldn't... couldn't understand the road Auraya had taken.  
His head hurt, his thoughts went in circles and he decided to take a rest. Sitting down on the floor he recognised the place where he had thrown Auraya's communication ring into the ocean some hours before.  
_How have we come to this Auraya?_  
Sitting in the dark and staring out onto the ocean, his thoughts went from 'Auraya betrayed us, the gods have done nothing but good' to 'But Chaia told us their true nature was different' and back again. Hours passed.  
And he came to one conclusion.  
There was no way he would ever understand what had happened today.  
Perhaps one day Auraya would turn up on his doorstep and explain. On his doorstep... or in his dreams... But was it even possible that her explanation made this feeling of betrayal go away? He shook his head. He felt that he had lost her forever because he had lost his trust in her and he saw no way she could get it back.  
Loosing his trust in Auraya felt as though some part of him had died. He gave a dry laugh as he remembered the dread he had been feeling when going to this war, deep down sure he wouldn't come out alive. Well, he was alive, wasn't he? But certainly neither well nor whole.  
Feeling the coldness of the floor creep into his bones, Danjin stood up and slowly returned to the camp of the army.

A short stop at the White's tent told him the discussion still went on.  
'How could she kill the gods?' he heard Rian asked for what must have been the thousandth time, anger in his voice.  
'She must have had her reasons... I would like to hear them...' Mairae said soothingly.  
Nodding to himself Danjin went over to his tent and put himself to bed. Finally able to break through the circle his thoughts had been going he left the unsolved problems of Auraya's doings behind. Let them stay unsolved. Perhaps one day he would see them solved, but this was not within his power. He thought of his wife and that he'd return to her soon. Smiling he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

_:Danjin?  
:Auraya.  
:Yes, it's me. Is it too soon to tell you my story?_


End file.
